an actor

i assume i am not the only person whom this happens to - this connecting with "information", a "message", at the right time, from someone or some thing (in my case, it very often happens when i am reading), that gives you a charge - like a current of realization and understanding pumping through your body that you can sometimes sit back from and be aware of.

well, this is what happens as i read Michael Ondaatje's book of poetry, Secular Love.

here's the first moment, the introduction, where he quotes from Peter Hanke:

"You're an actor, aren't you?"

The man nodded silently and averted his eyes.

"I've seen you in films. You always seem so embarrassed at the thought of what you have to say next."

The man laughed and again averted his eyes.

"You're trouble, I believe, is that you always hold back something of yourself. You're not shameless enough for an actor. In my opinion you should learn how to run properly and scream properly, with your mouth wide open. I've noticed that even when you yawn you're afraid to open your mouth all the way. In your next film make a sign to show that you're understood me. You haven't even been discovered yet. I'm looking forward to seeing you grow older from film to film."

i love this passage - can relate to the actor - and think about the scene in Cabaret (having recently seen it), and i think this scene has been shown in other movies as well, where Sally runs with Brian to lean against the wall and yells as the train passes by - persuading him to join her hen the next train comes. is letting out a scream sometimes like throwing up? bringing up all that's undigested?

thinking back to the passage, it's funny that perhaps someone would say it's a shame this actor isn't performing to their utmost ability, when the actor might be worried that it would be shameful actually to do so.

anyway, me being silly - playing in the a sandbow of words.

love

yeah, i'm thinking about it.
and as i sit here to write out the word, i think of jill scott'ing for love, and also Allen Ginsberg's line, "the weight of the world, is love" - from his poem song
*sigh*
isn't this the truth
the "beat" truth, perhaps - "beat" being defined recently to me as the bare essentials, what one basically needs, just to get by - this is the best definition i have heard so far to bring me into this time, movement, writing, people

~

i have been lying around, sick, for four days
reading
reflecting
musing about love
and thought i would come down here and post a love poem i wrote not so long ago, but have been nervous about posting. as soon as i titled the post, love, i felt it again. how do you write something new about love? how do you get past the cliches and the turned up noses in disgust - ew, a love poem
but, all concealer aside, here is my poem:

you take my
kisses like flakes of
sun

letting your head
ear my neck
waves

and as i
lean
to kiss
again
your eyelids
pulse

like a
hound - nosing for
scent

~

and there's, a half-naked poem
peace

koh toa, thailand

this picture was taken on koh tao, an island in thailand, by laura. i am always so nervous getting my picture taken, but she kept snapping away as we (her, ben and i) were eating breakfest at our regular spot on the beach after a cool morning swim and stretch - nothing like being in a routine of getting up and into your bathing suit and sarong, then heading out to start the day - ahhh, the island.

well, she sent me this picture just as i was thinking about connecting with the internet for writing - with so much help and support from kyle, which is ongoing and deeply appreciated - so i wanted to use it as my profile shot. we are still trying to hook that up so it rests here as a post, but i wanted to take this time to add that kyle has played with the original shot to bring me more into the sun here - so, this picture has become filled with light - and i am thankful.

i know a few of you will understand what i mean when i say,
i see you
je vous vois
-love, laura

Aung San Suu Kyi ~ Persecuted Writers Reading Event

Aung San Suu Kyi

this saturday i had the opportunity to read, as part of a reading event for persecuted writers from around the world, a passage by Aung San Suu Kyi from her book Freedom From Fear. sitting and listening to the voices of all the readers, seeing pictures of the writers they were reading on behalf of, and learning about these people and their courage was incredible. i felt overwhelmed by all the efforts and voices that i have not heard, but encouraged by their existence and this coming out of silence - or perhaps i should say this coming into voice(s)...

i felt so privilegded to read for this woman, having been conected to her from lyn whom ben and i met in chaing mai, and the energy from the room plus a conscious awareness of her strength halped me still my mind and direct my voice. wow.

here is the passage that i read (and if you want to know more about her i urge you to make efforts to do so);

"In an age when immense technological advances have created lethal weapons which could be, and are, used by the powerful and the unprincipled to dominate the weak and the helpless, there is a compelling need for a closer relationship between politics and ethics at both the national and international levels. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights of the United Nations proclaims that 'every individual and every organ of society' should strive to promote the basic rights and freedoms to which all human beings regardless of race, nationality or religion are entitled. but as long as there are governments whose authority is founded on coercion rather than on the mandate of the people, and interest groups which place short-term profits above long-term peace and prosperity, concerted international action to protect and promote human rights will remain at best a partially realized struggle. There will continue to be arenas of struggle where victims of oppression have to draw on their own inner resources to defend their inalienable rights as members of the human family.

The quintessential revolution is that of the spirit, born of an intellectual conviction of the need for change in those mental attitudes and values which shape the course of a nations development. A revolution which aims merely at changing official policies and institutions with a view to an improvement in material conditions has little chance of genuine success. Without a revolution of the spirit, the forces which produced the iniquities of the old order would continue to be operative, posing a constant threat to the process of reform and regeneration. It is not enough merely to call for freedom, democracy and human rights. There has to be a united determination to persevere in the struggle, to make sacrifices in the name of enduring truths, to resist the corrupting influences of desire, ill will, ignorance and fear.

Saints, it has been said, are the sinners who go on trying. So free men are the oppressed who go on trying and who in the process make themselves fit to bear the responsibility and to uphold the disciplines which will maintain a free society. Among the basic freedoms to which men aspire that their lives might be full and uncramped, freedom from fear stands out as both a means and an end. A people who would build a nation in which strong, democratic institutions are firmly established as a guarantee against state-induced power must first learn to liberate their own minds from apathy and fear." (Aung San Suu Kyi, Freedom From Fear)

((thanks))

bouncing off a dandelion crown ~ chapbook

bouncing off a dandelion crown

this is the cover for my first chapbook, which has been printed and is for sale – and I am definitely interested in trade just so you know. i will be taking it to small press fairs this spring (in Ottawa and Toronto) and who knows where else (if you have any ideas / suggestions please share them with me) the experience of putting this little book together – holding 31 poems all together – was super challenging but very rewarding and illuminating as well. i was sucked into the hollow shadow of the writer – loving hating. ideas caught in my throat like frogs – taking days to cough up and then when out and hobbling before me, missing legs, an eye, or only a piece of slippery flesh.

anyway, onto the goods - here are three poems from this collection for you to taste. i am still getting familiar with formatting blogs so i have chosen poems that are easy for me to paste here, so perhaps i will change this when i learn more). please tell me what you think about them. a poet i heard speak last week said that poetry, or any art, is all about generating some sort of reaction. so, if you react – re-enact it for me.

~ [untitled]

friend, my heart is this
a match – then
one more

and yet, lets walk tonight
following the fallen
pieces of moon

~ [-blink-]

somewhere backstage
– lens’ costume room –
your image flips

emptying –
your pockets – of
silence

i – pull
elastics – from
your mouth

the curtain –
snaps

~ [in the rearview mirror]

a bird
belly unbuttoned
feathers parted
red
pinned to the road’s
ash fault

except one wing
waving

an-other bird
by its side

hop ping forward

hop ping back
cocking its head

fromside toside